Thanking God.....

.....for sleeplessness since 2 a.m.? (it's 5:30 in the morning here as I write this) Yes, I actually am!

Why in the world??? It's simple: Although this is the third or fourth time I've faced a similarly sleepless night here, this time was different. {My ongoing digestive issues here are partly to blame for the sleeplessness...as is ongoing stress/uncertainty...and all of the above are, I think, magnified at least some by the medicine I've been taking for malaria prevention.....}

This time, I didn't spend the time (trying to go back to sleep) on worrying and fretting about my problems, and then tacking on a little begging prayer for God to make things go my way. That's pretty much what I've done before, and it hasn't solved anything. While I know God cares about what I'm going through, and He certainly tells us to come to Him with our requests, I can now recognize that my heart and attitude have been very selfish and ego-centric the past weeks and months. Even when I came here wanting to help others and serve God...

And He's been convicting me and calling me out on some things this past week. And yes, I'm facing uncertainty yet again....but maybe I'm finally learning to take more baby steps towards deeper faith. Thanks be to God, my response this time has been better than it often has in the past--and I've taken the confusion to God more quickly.

Because of His continued work in my heart (which I am so incredibly thankful for), this morning--when I woke up at 2 and had to scurry right over to the pit latrine a couple yards from my hut--I didn't put on a pity party like I did the other night this happened. Instead I thanked God for His goodness and asked Him to be glorified, even in this--even when it's not fun or easy. And I don't share this because I'm some great person to have done this. No, that was all God and not very much of me.

And as I lay tossing in bed the next two hours, failing to fall back asleep, I invested that time. I invested it in prayer. First in worshiping God and reorienting myself to find satisfaction in Him alone; and then in praying for the people in my "Institute family" (there's 20+ people going through the Institute here at New Hope right now), other people/situations here at Kasana, and my friends/family all around the world.

It was a sweet, sweet time. Yes, sleep would have been nice.... (I may still go try to catch a nap before breakfast...) But I was able to put into practice what God's been teaching & calling me to. And I'm thankful that He led me heart to Him during that time.