Thanking God.....

.....for sleeplessness since 2 a.m.? (it's 5:30 in the morning here as I write this) Yes, I actually am!

Why in the world??? It's simple: Although this is the third or fourth time I've faced a similarly sleepless night here, this time was different. {My ongoing digestive issues here are partly to blame for the sleeplessness...as is ongoing stress/uncertainty...and all of the above are, I think, magnified at least some by the medicine I've been taking for malaria prevention.....}

This time, I didn't spend the time (trying to go back to sleep) on worrying and fretting about my problems, and then tacking on a little begging prayer for God to make things go my way. That's pretty much what I've done before, and it hasn't solved anything. While I know God cares about what I'm going through, and He certainly tells us to come to Him with our requests, I can now recognize that my heart and attitude have been very selfish and ego-centric the past weeks and months. Even when I came here wanting to help others and serve God...

And He's been convicting me and calling me out on some things this past week. And yes, I'm facing uncertainty yet again....but maybe I'm finally learning to take more baby steps towards deeper faith. Thanks be to God, my response this time has been better than it often has in the past--and I've taken the confusion to God more quickly.

Because of His continued work in my heart (which I am so incredibly thankful for), this morning--when I woke up at 2 and had to scurry right over to the pit latrine a couple yards from my hut--I didn't put on a pity party like I did the other night this happened. Instead I thanked God for His goodness and asked Him to be glorified, even in this--even when it's not fun or easy. And I don't share this because I'm some great person to have done this. No, that was all God and not very much of me.

And as I lay tossing in bed the next two hours, failing to fall back asleep, I invested that time. I invested it in prayer. First in worshiping God and reorienting myself to find satisfaction in Him alone; and then in praying for the people in my "Institute family" (there's 20+ people going through the Institute here at New Hope right now), other people/situations here at Kasana, and my friends/family all around the world.

It was a sweet, sweet time. Yes, sleep would have been nice.... (I may still go try to catch a nap before breakfast...) But I was able to put into practice what God's been teaching & calling me to. And I'm thankful that He led me heart to Him during that time.

A Boy and His Music

Recently, I witnessed a moment in a story which has burned itself into my memory.

If I had gotten a picture of it, I would print it and hang it on my wall, and it would certainly be worth a thousand words.

If I were an artist and could draw or paint with any level of accuracy, I would spend hours perfecting the capture of that moment.

But I neither have a photograph of it nor the visual artistic skills to reproduce it. So instead I turn to the medium where I think I have slightly more talent: writing and words.

Picture this:

It’s a Sunday morning at Kasana Community Church, which means the simple wooden benches are full of people, arranged in rows throughout the open-air structure (a concrete slab with telephone pole-like pillars and a sheet metal roof).

The congregation is in the midst of the praise and worship part of the meeting, which typically lasts 30-45 minutes. The songs are sung in a mixture of Lugandan and English, since there are both non-native missionaries and non-English speaking members in the congregation. The “praise” songs are almost always accompanied by loud clapping, with occasional punctuations from an African-style “ayiyiyiyiyi!” or lyrically-appropriate motions such as spinning around or running in place. The “worship” songs are usually more low-key and reflective, as some people take their seats.

{That’s all just setting the scene J}

I was walking from the front of the church to my seat when I saw the image which burned into my brain. I don’t remember what song we were singing at that moment….it doesn’t make much of a difference though.

Sitting on the outside edge of the very front row was a little boy, probably about six years old. His dark face beamed as he joined in the praise music. He held a small guitar/ukulele, on which he strummed away. Clearly his whole heart and soul were pouring into participating fully in that moment.

It may be that he would have caught my attention if that were the only thing special about him. But it wasn’t. This little boy was sitting when the vast majority of the congregation was standing, because he was in a wheelchair. He is one of the children who is part of the special needs program provided by New Hope Uganda.

Behind the little boy’s wheelchair stood one of the gentlemen who helps care for these kids. He leaned on a crutch, his constant companion even when pushing one of the children in their chairs, because of what appears to be a shorter leg and turned-out foot on one side.

The young one’s entire countenance showed the joy of his heart. He could have been moping because he was stuck in a wheelchair, unable to walk or run as other children his age. I’m sure there are plenty of other reasons, even in his short life, which would excuse a good dose of self-pity. But that’s not where his focus was. His focus was—consciously or unconsciously—on worshipping God. I don’t know what that little boy’s story is, physically or spiritually. But I do know that he brought a smile to my face, praise to my mind, and conviction to my heart.

And that image has stayed with me in the days since. One afternoon since then, I was sitting “watching” members of the New Hope family playing football (soccer for you Americans) and making small talk introductions with the man sitting on the ground in front of me. One of my neighbor girls sat in my lap. Then beside me appeared the same little boy, angling himself into position and locking his chair’s wheel.

He greeted the little girl, because they are in the same class when he joins the kids at the on-site primary (elementary) school one day per week. He still had a grin on his face, not that much different than when I had seen him strumming his heart out in church.

Almost hidden behind the wheel of was a sticker, indicating that he had received his chair from Joni Eareckson Tada’s international ministry. On his feet were red felt slippers, decorated with whiskers. Those were cats, he told me. We talked for a little bit, and I learned his name. After a few moments, someone came and wheeled him away.

I think it was then I saw the crutch lying beside the man in front of me. As I had been talking to him, I had noticed nothing different or unusual. But as with the little boy, this gentleman faces daily challenges that are different than what I have to deal with. But I guess it’s a reminder of the fact that each and every one of us has parts of our lives which are hurt or not fully functional. Some of us can just hide it better than others.

But when we hide it, are we really doing anyone a service? When I try to act like there’s nothing wrong with me, that I have everything together, aren’t I really doing one of the silliest things possible? These two members of the Kasana community seem to have learned something far better than I have. They both deal with what the world calls “disabilities.” But, by what I have witnessed, I think it is safe to say that they have made the decision not to be bound by that.

My brief interactions with them make them heroes of the everyday variety, in my mind’s perception. They do not allow themselves to wallow in self-pity or to be held captive by their situations. They do not seem to see themselves as victims. Instead, they seek out the positives. They bring joy. And I pray God’s blessing on them for that.

{Last night I saw the little boy again. This time, he sat beside one of the caregivers on a bench, leaning against her for support, his wheelchair out of sight for the time being. The event was a concert by two of Kasana’s sons in the local town nearby. Again, my little friend demonstrated his love for music. His guitar remained at home – but that didn’t keep him from dancing with his upper body, his face again radiating joy. And so, I send this post out for him. Never let the music die out of your heart, little buddy. God is with you.}

a "Crazy" Fun Afternoon

After lunch I was tired from a busy morning of organizing/sorting paperwork in the admin office. I was sitting on the couch reading when the thunder started and I guess the clouds must have rolled in, because it started getting darker. I flipped the curtains of the three living room windows up over the strings that they hang from.

I was hungry, so I ate a couple little sweet bananas. It was starting to rain a little, but I walked the 10ish yards to go wash my hands at the sink in the dining room. A couple kids were in there, and as I was coming out they followed me, dancing around in a funny way. I knew what they wanted: several weeks ago when it first rained and I was here I couldn’t help but sing in the rain. The kids expected a repeat performance.

So we all got a little wet as we (mostly I) belted out the lines to “Singing in the Rain,” thanks to Andrea’s teaching at Kids’ Club in Northern Ireland this summer. Complete with hand motions and tongues out at the end, of course. A couple new girls came along and stared at me like I was crazy. Well, I was crazy….so they had reason to do so I guess ;) After we had sung through the song once, I retreated to my banda.

The rain was coming down a bit harder now, and so the rain was coming in through our screen-only windows. I pulled the curtains back down, but the wind was blowing hard and the rain seemed to be coming in sideways. So I braved the rain (intensified because I had to go right in the places where the runoff comes down the slanted roof) to go around and close the outside shutters.

I got back inside and was about to get warm and dry, then realized there was one more thing I needed to do first. So I quickly walked the 10 or so yards in the opposite direction (through the pouring harder rain) to the pit latrine. While I was in there, it almost sounded like hail on the metal roof!!! When I got back, I seriously wished I had put my towel by the door. I literally had water dripping off my hair, glasses, clothes, etc.

To top it off, power was out. With the shutters closed, the banda was pretty dark. Thankfully my 12-LED lantern was within pretty easy finding distance on the table. So I grabbed my towel and dried off, then got into nice cozy dry clothes (sweatpants & a hoodie!). Wrung out the clothes I had been wearing, then flopped onto my bed and read by lantern-light for a while. The rain poured hard, and eventually let up. The birds started singing again!

So I decided to open up the shutters to get some light into the otherwise quite dark room. While I was outside, the kids came out of taking shelter wherever they could find it. They ran over, excited to see me and wanting to play. Three of the younger Institute kids begged to be held, and again we sang the song (even though now it wasn’t raining). They also discovered that my hoodie made a fun "toy," and soon I found they thought that having my face entirely covered with only a small hole for my mouth made a great game!

Then they asked to play “Go Fish,” so I told them to wait while I cleaned off my couch, etc. Which they did wait very patiently, I was so proud of them! :D So we had me and four Ugandan kids ages 10-4 (well, one is Liberian) playing “Go Fish.” We’ve played it a few times before, so they’ve mostly gotten the hang of it. They do still often think that a 6 should be able to be paired with a 9 though, and sometimes they ask for a card that has already been played on the table. But we make it work :)

We played several games, giving each of the kids a turn to “share” as one girl says (she means deal). A couple times this same gal, who is pretty high-octane, was literally bouncing up and down on our couch. I could hear it creaking….I’ve kind of been wondering if it might be on the way to breaking….so I asked her not to bounce on it. {I was also starting to get overwhelmed by trying to keep game play orderly and didn’t need that distraction…….} So I said I must need to tell her to go run around the hut a few times while I shuffled the cards. Which she and the other kids proceeded to do, lol ;) We had to repeat the process a little later.

I could feel exhaustion setting in, so announced that we would do one last game. The kids were very good sports about going outside to play something else after that game. I sank back down onto the couch and sat there for a moment, feeling so so tired. Keeping four kids entertained for an hour…especially while trying to maintain the rules of a card game!...can be pretty tiring. But so much fun, and so very worth it :)

They are dear, sweet kids…even when I do have to fight against my perfectionistic nature to keep it from making me too annoyed with them when they don’t quite do things the “right” way and I’m tempted to lose my patience…….  But their love and friendliness and joy and laughter make it all so so so worth it :D

Spring Break Edition of YKYLiCUW

A continuation of the previous post, specifically about this past weekend's adventures!

~~The rainy weather makes puddles in the capital's street that are a deep orange color.

~~You are not a fan of taxi parks. Especially when, as in this case, it's just hundreds of taxi vans parked closely together and bumper to bumper....there's barely space to walk between! Plus the continuing rain doesn't help.

~~A couple boxes of chicks and at least one rooster accompany you on the boat ride.

~~Said boat ride takes nearly four hours!

~~You are annoyed by said rain, (and very thankful that the boat has a tarp over it!) until the sun begins to break through the clouds and you get to see a rainbow!!!

~~A short drive from the island jetty brings you to the small beach hotel where you will spend the night.

~~You eat dinner and go to bed listening to the crash of the waves on the lake shore.

~~But before you go to bed, you take your first running water shower in 10 weeks!! And with hot water too!! You’re surprised at how much water you get in your eyes….but maybe that was just from this particular shower head.

~~Trying to figure out a bathroom door that doesn’t want to stay shut, how to make a round mosquito net work with a four-postered bed, and overly-squishy pillows make you miss your banda bed back “home.”

~~You awake to take a long birding walk along the shore, and love every moment.

~~A few steps away from the sandy beach, and you find yourself in thick trees.

~~You sit on a bench swing back at the hotel’s beach doing nothing except listening to the waves, watching the birds, and thinking about how you could do this always…..but life doesn’t work like that… :/

~~One of the hotel staff comes and talks to you for a while, and you learn more about Ugandan culture. Including the fact that this gal thought she would never be of a high enough “level” to have a conversation with a muzungu….

~~There’s a super playful (half-grown) puppy running around the grounds that you quickly nickname “Floppy” because of his over-sized ears ;-)

~~As you eat lunch, you watch a large-ish lizard (I think he must have been nearly two feet, including the tail!) eat his lunch….I think a dragon fly?...on a nearby walkway.

~~You take tons of photos and videos……mostly of birds, I must admit ;)

~~You’re fixing to go sit on another bench to journal, when you suddenly see a monkey! And later, you realize there is a whole troop of monkeys in the woods very nearby…..probably close to a dozen!

~~As you watch the monkeys groom one another and pick food off the trees, it seems so very familiar. You’ve seen it before….in nature movies. Then you remember that this isn’t a nature movie, that you’re standing there watching live, wild monkeys in person. Wow!

~~You try to use the Internet to just check email and Facebook (yes, I’m an addict….) but it’s too slow and you give up.

~~You eat fish for dinner….fish that in the morning had been swimming around in the lake! Thanks to the fishing skills of the young couple who knew about this beautiful island and let you tag along.

~~The next morning, you get a bike and enjoy a long ride….pushing it up the hill, riding through the town, and out to a secluded spot overlooking part of the island coast. You’re thankful to be wearing capris for all that rather than a skirt!

~~During your ride, everyone from little kids to older folks is excited to see you. The little kids yell “hi!” and “bye!” and it seems to make their day when you say hi back. And the older ones holler “muzungu, what are you doing??” or “where are you going?”….to which you don’t answer, because the one is obvious and the other you don’t know for sure…

~~You spend the next three hours sitting in one place, meditating on God’s Word and worshipping Him. It is a beautiful time, and reminds you of times you’ve done the same in other places around the world. You are thankful that God is the same always and everywhere!!! (for more on this, check out the post on my other blog)

~~When you ride back down the steep hill you came up, you don’t pedal from the time you leave the town to the time you’re on the hotel road. Instead, you’re squeezing the brakes almost non-stop. You’re thankful they’re in good working condition!!!

~~You enjoy playing games with the folks you came with, and wading in the lake, and just relaxing and recharging J

~~A couple times, African guys come over and try to strike up a conversation. You’re not interested, so you keep responses short.

~~You hope to take another last hot shower……..but the hot water does not come out. After dinner you try again, take half of a cold shower and then the hot water comes!

~~Your room’s trash can displays the results of your “drinking addiction” – it is FULL of WATER bottles! ;-) Since tap water is not safe to drink, you must buy bottled water from the hotel restaurant. Every time you go you ask for at least one bottle….sometimes three…..

~~You wake up at 2 a.m. from a dream of going for a walk with one of your best college friends, wishing that you really could. You listen to the rain that is pouring down, and go back to sleep…..to have a very odd dream, probably thanks to the malaria med side effects :P

~~Morning comes, and with it the end of your time on the beautiful island. You hope you’ll be back.

~~The boat ride back is super choppy. You grab the bench in front of you and close your eyes often for the middle hour of the ride. Thankfully the motion sickness doesn’t fully make its way to the point of nausea.

~~You distract yourself by watching the antics of the full-grown chickens trying to escape the handmade rough, wooden crates they’re being transported in.

~~A little over three hours later, you’re very glad to be back on solid ground.

~~Another three hours later, you arrive back at your banda. One of the Institute girls has just gotten back from her school day and greets you with an excited “Auntie!!!” and an enthusiastic hug.

~~Everyone is glad to see you again, and after dinner the wee two-year-old is begging for a piggy back ride, as always. It’s good to be home J

You Know You’re Living in Central Uganda When…..

I’ll probably add to this as I go, but here are some fun tidbits about life here :) The bottom few are from a status I posted on Facebook nearly a month ago. All of these are from my personal experience, and are not meant to make any blanket statement about Ugandan/African culture. I’ll try to be sure these are fair & balanced ;-)

~~You’ve gone through a can of DOOM in each of the two months you’ve been here. The first was mostly on roaches, this second has been mostly on ants…..
~~You get to hear it easily when your neighbors are singing praise & worship in the evening—and be encouraged by it!
~~Seeing lizards of at least four different types is a nearly daily occurrence! And tons of new bird species, all beautiful :D And bats, sometimes even during the daytime.
~~You witness thousands of ants “migrating” (at least moving houses), and notice how many different sizes & types there are! {I got a video of it – I’ll have to try to post it so y’all can see. Pretty fascinating, but I’m kind of scared I’m going to dream of ants tonight….}
~~Rain suddenly becomes a whole lot more important than it ever did in the States! {See this blog post by the family I’m here with. I’ve got one rolling around in my head too, but it has yet to be composed.}
~~You’re happy when laundry “only” takes two solid hours of constant involvement.
~~You realize that you’re getting used to showering by cup & basin—so thankful for our electric kettle to heat water (when the power is on)! Morning showers (BRR!) call for two!
~~Trees along the road wear makeup during the dry season (the roads are dirt out here in the bush, and the red soil ends up coating the plants!)
~~Your blister count in a month and a half is up to four. (This is simply because I have soft American hands – three came from helping with shelling/slashing at the family I’m connected to.)
~~You catch yourself staring at your reflection in a shop mirror for several seconds…..because it’s the most you’ve seen of yourself in the past week! (we only have a small round hand mirror in our hut…)
~~You’re surrounded by people who love & care about you – and who will check in with you and pray for you. I am so blessed by the intentionality & community here!

~~~~~~~~~~

~~The smallest things make you sweat. Like making your bed. Or sitting on the couch (especially with a computer in your lap). Even a couple hours after dark, with the windows open!
~~You get excited about a car ride, because it might be the one point you get to feel the AC. And when the daily weather is a broken record "hot & sunny" most of the time, that's important. {Rainy season will be here soon, and then the weather will not be as dry/hot.}
~~You have a slight sunburn/fresh tan on your shoulders from a mid-day walk {and a few times of doing laundry} when it's JANUARY, and your new friends from MN & SD are talking about -36 degree weather and huge snow drifts.
~~Your bed time is sometimes determined by what time the Internet decides to quit working. {ie, the night when I copied this off of FB and was going to post it on my blog. Internet quit, so I’m just going to go to bed and do this another time!}
~~You're learning to be thankful for a result when you flip the light switch....because it seems like often as not over the past week, the power has been out. {On Sunday, power went out at about 3:30 and stayed out until Tuesday night. Even the solar-powered battery for the dining hall ran out of juice!}
~~You go to dinner and get "attacked" by an adorable 2-year-old whose smile stands out in his dark face. And where you are greeted by a handshake or hug from nearly every person in the room.
~~When you know, deep down inside, that you are where you're supposed to be. No matter how rough the day has been, no matter how tempting it is to go back to the easier life.
~~When you're learning to pray in and walk by faith. When you're reminded that God didn't bring you here for nothing. That He's got a purpose & a plan, and that He's going to teach you AND use you. No matter what.

{I needed the reminder of those last couple. God is good, ALWAYS :)}

Harvest Time

One of the main dietary staples in central Uganda is posho. It is made from ground maize (similar to cornmeal) and cooked in water to create a stiff mush. We frequently have it for lunch here at the Institute, always with a soup or sauce of some sort to put over it. In the past six weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to witness/help with the gathering of the maize.

Here at Kasana, the children who have been placed in New Hope’s care are part of family groups. A Ugandan father (and often mother) are in charge of each family group, which has between 15 and 20 children. These family groups provide a home for those who come in as orphans, emphasizing NHU’s focus on bringing the Fatherhood of God to the fatherless.

Each family group has land to grow maize and for a garden. The dry season is beginning to come to an end, so the past couple weeks have seen many maize fields harvested and re-plowed for the new crop that will be planted when the rains come. I pitched in on two maize harvesting days, one with Ebenezer family and one with Worcester (pronounced Wooster) family.

Everyone who is a staff member at NHU, and all the Institute students, are placed with one of the family group as “associates.” The family I teach for and I are both part of the Worcester family for while we are here. A couple weeks back, the kids and I went to join the family in harvesting their maize, which is all done by hand. I was proud of how hard the kids worked!

In the maize fields are lots of weeds with tagalong seeds, leaving scores of prickles in one’s clothes. Harvesters grab the ear of maize (which has been allowed dry on the stalk) and pick it off the stalk, either before or after shucking the husks. Then the ear is chucked to one of the growing piles of harvested maize. Sometimes termites have taken down a stalk and eaten out the cob of an ear – but if the maize is still good, it’s still good.

Both times, we started early in the morning. But it warms up quick here, and soon it is hot work. Most stalks only have one ear of maize, and sometimes that ear is tiny and underdeveloped. After retrieving the ear, the stalk is broken down to mark it as completed. The team of harvesters work their way from one end of the field to the other, with at least some degree of regularity. And when you finish, there’s thanks and celebration.

One evening last week, I went over to my family group because the father had told me they often garden at that time. Instead, the mother and the four girls in the family were shelling the corn. Two girls worked a hand-crank shelling machine, while the others shelled by hand. Already they had three big bags of maize kernels as well as a large, ever-growing pile on the floor. I helped shell some by hand, though the mother gave me the easier ears. And I got a big blister on my thumb, even with wearing work gloves!

Now there are four big bags of maize sitting in the family’s living room/dining room/circular “hut” with a thatched roof but open to the breeze. They are waiting to be taken and ground into meal which the family will eat as posho. I thoroughly enjoyed learning a bit about the harvesting and getting to help out with it :)

Catching Up - Finally!

Well, I have had another long hiatus on here. Sorry for the lack of posting – the fall/winter months did not go as I had expected, and I sometimes felt like I didn’t have anything worth talking about on my blog. Especially after the crazy/exciting three-to-four months after graduation!

This fall was really important for me though. I was reminded again and again that “My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways” (Is. 55:8). I had plans, plenty of them….But God’s plan was different than anything I had expected. While the changes and unmet expectations this fall were certainly challenging at times, I am thankful for the assurance I have that God has brought me where I am for His purposes and glory alone. Because of that, I can say that there is nowhere else I would truly rather be during this time.

The beginning of October dropped a new door in my path after the three doors I had wanted to work out closed instead. There was an opportunity to assist a new missionary family by helping homeschool their five kids. I didn’t feel qualified…it felt out of my league…but I sensed God’s direction and so I (a bit hesitantly) offered my availability. A month later, I was officially accepted and knew for sure: I would be spending January through May in Uganda! God provided in a really big way for me to come here—even when my faith was weak. He certainly deserves all the praise for that.

So the past five weeks I have been adjusting to living in the African bush. A friend last night asked me if I’d had culture shock, or how I liked it so far. There are, of course, differences in lifestyle. While some things are more challenging here (no running water at my hut, intermittent electricity and Internet), I can honestly say that I like it here just as much as in the U.S. Different can sometimes mean better :D

One of the many things college taught me is that I’ve always been a small-town girl at heart—and so spending four months mostly in the mega-tropolis of DFW was not always easy….especially having spent the three months previous in places where I could easily walk a short distance and be by myself surrounded by trees or open country. Going to a city park (which I did sometimes) is just not the same as walking out one’s back door and straight up a deserted mountain…or leaving one’s dorm and shortly later arriving at a hidden little hollow in the woods. Here in Uganda, I’ve already find a couple spots at our mission’s compound that I’ve visited for the same purpose. And it’s nice to have that chance again.

I’m also loving the opportunity to spend a lot of time with kids here. In addition to the five I came to work with (who are mostly teens/pre-teens), there are five kids all under the age of 9 who live right around my hut. Their parents are attending the same Institute training that the parents I came with are in. Just this morning, two of the little girls – ages 3 and 5, I think – were just hanging around my hut. They’re pretty fun and mostly sweet – though sometimes rambunctious and crazy of course :) The other three “Institute kids” are siblings, ages 9, 6, and 2. I love indulging my inner childhood spirit playing with them all :D

The adults have also made the experience an enjoyable one. Ugandan culture places a high priority on relationships, and it certainly shows. There are about a dozen adults (plus the five younger kids) who eat all of our meals together, and as we gather we greet one another with handshakes or hugs. It’s just been a great blessing to be in a small community like this, as part of the larger New Hope Uganda community at Kasana.

Do I miss JBU and my college friends, and my family, and the places/people where I left parts of my heart this summer? Of course I do. It’s hard for me to believe how long it’s been already since those places were my current home. I’ll always be thankful for them and jump at any chance to visit. And I’ve been grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to use Skype, Facebook, email, the phone, etc. to keep in touch with folks over the past nine months (WOW) since graduation. But life goes on, and this is where God has me for now—and I am blessed :)