So this past week I’ve been in South Africa with a couple
fellow staff ladies at a retreat for missionary women. As I type this, we’re in
the air over Johannesburg on our way home to Kasana.
God’s timing is always so perfect – earlier this year when
my friends started talking about this retreat, I thought it sounded like a good
idea…..and then in the past couple months things have happened that have shown
me just how much I really did need a time of renewal.
The past year has been filled with a lot of ups and
downs—and for that matter so have the two years before that! Over the last few
months, I’ve begun realizing that I’ve let those challenging circumstances
affect me, putting layers of hardness around my heart.
On Sunday night when the retreat opened with a time of
worship, we weren’t two lines into the first song before I had tears running
down my face. I know without a doubt that people were praying over the retreat,
because I felt the Holy Spirit honoring their prayers by breaking through the
inner walls I had been allowing to build up.
God spoke to my heart that night more directly than I have
felt Him speak in some time. Calling me to repentance—and reminding me of His
forgiveness and love. That night I spent a chunk of time journaling it out so
that I can remember and look back at it.
But I wasn’t feeling so well. Saturday as we had traveled to
the retreat, I had felt myself coming down with a sore throat, which continued
on Sunday. All day Monday, my nose was almost constantly running. And so while
others went through Kleenex from crying, I was using them up to handle my cold.
I let myself be miserable about how I felt—wallowing in
self-pity. Because I didn’t feel well, and I was annoyed about it. Justifiably
so, right?
I made a comment to someone that day about how I was
thankful for how God had been speaking to me during the retreat, but a bit
apprehensive about whether the effect would “stick” after the ‘high’ of the
retreat.
The next morning, I got up still feeling unwell—particularly
because I hadn’t slept very soundly. As I was dragging around my room trying to
get ready for the day, God gave me a much-needed slap in the face.
Our speaker for the retreat was talking about how we deal
with suffering based on the book of Job. On Monday morning, she had talked
about how people form different views of God in the face of suffering. Some
become cynical, some think they know the answers, and others (like Job) choose
to trust God’s sovereignty.
On Tuesday morning, the Holy Spirit showed me that I wasn’t
having a very Job-like attitude. I was behaving selfishly, and letting my
physical circumstance dictate my heart attitude. Which is the same choices that
had kept me stuck in a pit of apathy for most of this year.
And so I had to again repent for my behavior. Even a silly
little thing like a cold at an inconvenient time is NOT out of God’s purview!!!
He allowed it for a reason—and my responsibility is not to mope and question why, but rather to accept it with thanksgiving and worship!
As I accepted that in my heart, the Holy Spirit filled my
mind with verses from the Psalms and songs. I left my room singing worship to
God. Because He totally changed the attitude of my heart!! Instead of being
frustrated, I suddenly became thankful for the cold. It gave me just the
practical test I needed to keep me humble and yet also show me how simple
obedience really can be.
I told my small group this—and they could even see the
difference in my face. Yes, I still felt a bit crummy—but when God turned my
heart attitude around, that made a huge difference. And so I was able to enjoy
the last two days of the retreat even more, as well as learning a valuable
lesson in practical application!
Today my fellow staff member and I have had another test. We
woke up at 3:30 this morning to go to their airport for our 6 a.m. flight
(first of three) on the way back to Uganda. But, instead of leaving at 6 a.m.,
that flight didn’t take off until 11 a.m. (long story, believe me!!).
We were scheduled for a four-hour layover before the next
flight—but obviously even that wasn’t long enough for a five-hour flight delay.
Worse yet, that first leg of our trip was booked separately from the rest
because it had been cheaper up front that way. But with the delay & missed
flight, we were on our own between airlines.
Of course, it all worked out….but instead of arriving in
Entebbe at 11 p.m., we will now arrive at 3:30 a.m.—and possibly be charged
extra money. We’re still not quite sure on that point. We were quoted a price,
but then not asked for payment.
Through it all, it’s been an opportunity to once again
choose to trust God and not just be angry about what He has allowed. I felt
especially bad for the flight crew of that first flight, as they had a plane full
of mostly annoyed people (some who were rather vocal!!) sitting on the tarmac
for three hours.
But God has a plan even in this, one we may never
understand. But it’s all part of our sanctification process—because God is so
good at what He does that **nothing** is wasted – He works ALL THINGS together
for the GOOD of His beloved children!!
And *that* is why I’m thankful for a cold & a delayed
flight.
{Now as I post this we’re waiting in Nairobi – our next
flight boards in just about half an hour! Almost back to Uganda….!!}
